thanks but i'll pass

tired. really really tired

emotionally drained. i need someone influential. but too bad i let that one go a long time ago.
im just gonna isolate myself from the world for a few weeks until i regain composure once more

until then.

young child

"Your mind is still clean," he said, draping his arms around me.
I frowned, "what's that supposed to mean?"
" You haven't seen the real world yet." He says, holding me tighter as we got off the escalator of GPO.
Excuse me?

 I thought I'd left the whole 'naïve' name-calling back at home where my dad is(god bless his soul)
I separated myself from him, starting to feel the fury seething inside me.
When I was young I'd always been the one who'd be the joke in the group, the young one- the blur one, always being put down.
My dad would talk to me as if I was a child who was never exposed to the realities in life, perhaps his way of protecting me or his denial of believing that I am just like any other curious human being.
Now that he's brought it up, calling me that when I am already eighteen years old its uncovered a bitter side of me. One that I've hidden ages ago..

bitching

" you were mostly dissing materialistic people," i said to him, a fellow friend and a true nonconformist who blogs regularly on the sarcastic liberationfromanisland :

"Some claim to be attracted to depth but lack it themselves, such is the irony."

max brenners on a thursday evening. bliss.
" i was talking about people who pretend to be materialistic when they're really not- sort of like myself." he then laughs giddily. he was the defintion of blatancy, one of the traits he has of which i admire.
hmm... my mind wandered as i sipped my yellow granita.

funny how we tend to have such passion whenever we speak ill of someone yet in reality the negativity is only a reflection of ourselves.
no?

stop dissing for a second. and really listen to what you just said.

they keep on coming

1. Friend got drunk and had to ditch the party to take care of him
2. Friend's wallet got stolen
3. Was a fugitive aka locked out from my own room for three days straight
4. Phone got stolen
5. Visa went missing

And that was just last weekend.

bad days bad days

watchu gonna do

whatchu gonna do

when they come for u

sometimes it takes a stupid accident

to make you realize how stupid you are

an old memory

I still love you. But that’s not the point now is it?
The sentences were yelling at my face as I became more and more captivated by the Japanese-translated novel that was gripped in my hands. The book was a gift given by an old flame during his skiing holiday in Japan. Ironically, the story line seemed all too familiar to me.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

5. 45 pm. The clock displayed.
Fifteen minutes left. I sighed heavily as I recalled the conversation he and I had just earlier that afternoon.

“ So what’s your answer?”
“ Um, I’m out right now. Can we talk about this some other time?”
“ Okay…But have you thought about it?”
“ No. I still need some time.”
“ How much time do you need?”
“ Two days max but I promise to call you today.”
“ Alright. What time?”
“ Uh, 6?
“ That’s late. I can’t wait that long.”

“ Then don’t wait for me!”

I don’t know if I was being naïve but that sounded like such an easy task to do. But once it came out of my mouth, I realized what injustice I’d given him. He sounded forlorn and desperate whilst there I was, having lunch and some flirty banter with some mates out in the sunny weather, sounding amused rather than regret. I cant say that I didn’t feel bad. Admittedly, as a person who is strongly against polygamy, it was wrong of me to do it. But it was an impulse. A spur of the moment. A firing pleasure so satisfying that gets soaked by guilt and regret once it reaches its peak. And once it dies, the sticks begin to recollect themselves once more, repeating the beautiful but depraved occurrence again.
6pm. I took a long sip of green tea for the last time, savouring its light and delicate taste in my mouth and finally got out of my room.

stella

you may think your only choice is to either swallow your anger or throw it in someones face
but there's a third option
you can just let it go
and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.

and that was the perfect ending to a perfect love story
it just wasnt mine

ted.

careful!

I have this fear of throwing away my blackberry into th bin whenever I dump something into the trash using the same hand that's clutching my phone.
You can see how I'm not at all the clumsy kind.

Left out (v.)

1. To let remain or have remaining behind after going, disappearing, ceasing, etc
2. That ache in my heart when I watch you two laughing hysterically together

not for ones with a significant half

I could probably count the number of times my dad reminded me not to get myself commited with anyone before I do my degree. An estimate? About a 1000 times.
So it's understandable that my no-commitment attitude is permanently etched onto my skin.
A scoff would be expected as soon as you read the word 'dad' at the first sentence, but before you start scrolling away, let me elaborate that studies werent involved within his reasons for liberty.
His main reason? Opportunity costs. Economists, please stand up.
Opportunity costs are basically the alternatives that you miss out on when youre focussed on something else.
In this case, my dad didnt want me to catch a fish and show it off out in the open.
He still wanted me to feed the other fishes in the sea.
He didnt want me to close up shop and hang the CLOSED sign slapbang on the front door. He wanted me to stay open 24/7 like Seven Eleven. And perhaps sell some real good-tasting slurpees while we're at it.
Hence this explains why most of my past relationships would consist of me persistenly telling my boyfriends to date other girls and hell, you can even go third base if you want- while they, on the other hand wouldnt return the same offer to me. Which is a bit unfair dont u agree?
I dont know. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. Maybe I'm just being realistic and a commitment non-believer. Or maybe I'm just goddamn cynical.

an old flame

"never go back to your ex" i'd tell those who would have second thoughts about their past partners, knowing fully well that even i sometimes can commit the biggest contradiction.
why do we tend to have- nay, why do we even consider going back to something that is over to begin with? it mustve ended for a reason. therefore, the reason is a good enough of a validation for you to make you realize that repeating history would only be another confusing emotional tsunami.
but
there's just this gleeful exciting thing about sneaking around and doing something against the law. about going back to someone who used to know you so well. and quenching your undying thirst of curiosity about your ex and his current life. is he seeing anyone right now? does he still kiss sloppily? is he taller?
i'm probably gonna regret this. lets just allow time to tell