Note of precaution..

Jus so u know, my unnamed entry (me going to some guy's house) was from a book. It did not happen in real life. It did Not.

post break up

dont be sad. be angry, and u'll be fine
thing is i aint even angry at nobody. just angry at myself for stooping so low, and inflicting pain on myself.

like eminem said lah :
'Cause sometimes you feel tired,
feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

envision

Sometimes when you want something so much, you tend to make it out to be something its not.

When you're longing for simplicity, it might not be as simple as it turned out to be.

The longer the wait, the more the intricacies. Ive been waiting for this for so long but now that Ive got it I dont think it's as impressive as I'd drawn it to be. The colours are faded, the lines are blurry and if anything its just a normal painting.

What I had drawn in my mind was perfect, beautiful even. And the feeling I had imagining for it to be materialized was just utter amazement. It was hard work putting the vision onto such a big canvas, it took time. But once it was complete, I stepped back and did not feel admiration.

I felt,

Honestly I just wanted to rip it apart and start a new canvas. I wanted to leave the room, splash paint all over the floor, break my paint palette and just leave.

What is it about these things that dont always turn out how you want them to be.

girl vs girl

These days it's just so hard to find a girl who prefers to talk to those of the same sex than the opposite. Call me Nancy Drew if ive investigated wrong but truth is girls are just friendlier to guys. My evidence became er, evident when i realized how few girlfriends i have compared to guys and how much friendlier the vibe is everytime im with my dudes. When boyfriend asked me one day why cant i chill with my bitches, i then retorted : cos i dont have many girlfriends.

and why is that? cos most of the girls ive met would rather be in a sausage fest than have girl talk. the bitchy gossip sesh could also be a factor. nonetheless, if one had bothered to spend time with me one would discover my aversion to insignificant chats anyway. why talk about how bad her hair dye turned out to be when sharks have been found swimming in the floods of brisbane?!

Last week, I got introduced to a girl whom Jon ( fake name used due to overuse of the words 'girlfriends' and 'dudes') described as friendly and easy to get along with. And so, preparing myself for a jovial and good-humoured ladette, I was rather disappointed yet not surprised to meet Leiya, who was talkative but her neck would somehow just crane to all directions but mine. And ofcourse, we were surrounded by a group of gentlemen at that moment.

What happened to girl power? What happened to us girls have to stick together? These days there just has to be a guy tagging along. Whats even more preposterous is that a guy somehow has to have a female best friend. Sometimes it just makes me want to yell : ARE U THAT GAY MY FRIEND? An ex of mine had a girl for a best friend and no it didnt feel like we were playin tug of war at all. A friendship of the opposite sex is clearly different than a same sex one. Firstly there are barriers to what we can and cannot do to each other (punches, air kisses etc), secondly we have different shaped genitals. Need i say more?

basically if i can ever find a decent female who, when in a room full of guys, would rather talk to me than them? then the world really is turning upside down.