i miss home. its gone really grey today. adds more gloom to my mood. ive been gloomy lately. and really really tense. exams comin and i guess its been a while since ive felt the exam high. its unfuriating.

moods [ mūd ]

n.

1. its funny how they can change from one to another in such a speed of events
2. a state of mind or emotion

chilly [ chĭl'ē ]

adj.

1. cool or cold enough to cause shivering. See synonyms of cold

its really cool here. like literally cool. its starting to rain more often now that autumns near. i like the cold chill. somehow gives me a pump of adrenaline everytime i rush to class, almost as if im more energized. or maybe cos its just me rushing for warmth indoors.
i like how things are going at a really steady pace here. as opposed to back then when it was always unsteady. it would be slow and laidback at one moment and suddenly skyrockets up to full frontal drama the next.

come n go

once yr close to someone or something, separation- something thats inevitable in our lives as we start to learn and love, would be difficult. i dont like to be so close to ppl for many reasons. besides the fact that things might be used against you as soon as u open up, its also cos i wouldnt wanna have that feeling of clinging on to someone. u face serious torture once theyre gone, kinda like a bullet hole in the heart.. or a tooth cavity that got refilled only to be 'de-holed', forever empty and squashed with all kinds of temporary plague. get the idea?
like buddha once said, and its my best favourite quote ever :
attachment to anything only leads to suffering

missus lonely

Is there snot in my nose? A piece of chicken stuck between my teeth? Or does my face simply radiate a certain kind of look that says Hey Im A Bitch Do Not Come Near Me. Cos apparently making friends is the hardest thing to do around here. Its been my third week I think and I must say the only real friend ive made here is loneliness. Somehow being the token malay chick ( as far as I’m aware of), I get the chance to tag along after people who’ve already formed their own cliques and what fun it is listening to them make their own plans and talk their own gossip, cautiously ensuring that I don’t end up joining them to their Night Safari, or whatever it is they do around here. I try so hard to be nice and friendly but it seems that that’s not enough. You either gotta be of a certain race, an airhead, a four-eyes, a ‘couple’ or anything close from the first one. What pisses me off is that I see loners just like me amongst the crowd but they seem to have no problems making friends like even when they’re freakin just standing there all by themselves people just tend to approach them and pat backs like old buddies. And there I was staring a t them agog and feeling furious at myself and the world. What is wrong with me??? I had no problems back in my country. So after hours of silent contemplation ( sorry, mom. Didn’t mean to be moody) I’ve decided to take action. In the middle of a tram ride, I swiftly picked up my mobile phone and started typing “ What are u doin this weekend.” Texts to newly-made friends. So far so good. I’ve already made shopping plans with two chicks and a tennis match with a dude this weekend. And fuck, I’m so proud of myself. But Loneliness still stands by my side. We’ll see how this goes…